Give some of your time for yourself also..

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

eyes re-open

I tried to open my eyes but I just can't. I felt that my eyelids weigh about a ton each. I had a nasty taste lingering in my tongue and the atmosphere around me seems serene.  I tried opening my eyes again and succeed opening it half way through.
 

I found myself lying on a crisp bed. I feel lots of pain in all part of body. Slowly, I remembered I was working till 3 AM till morning without having sleep since last three nights. I also remembered feeling a little unwell. But that did not bother me. I wondered why. Other than a few mild attacks of cold and cough I did not have a single health hazard. But what and how this!! I was having high temperature due to constant working and improper diet. 
 

But then, it has been years since I did so many things. Work is like alcohol - it consumes you and kills you. I now realized how much of this is true. The last time I genuinely joyous was when I got through a job interview. I gave my friends a good party that lasted all night long. Friends - how alien this word seems now coming into my mind. I haven't a clue as to what happened to any of them. I never returned any calls initially and then when I shifted my residence did not even bothered to inform.

I started working first for the sake of job satisfaction, then for money and then for power. Now I don't know why I work. I just feel that it is a natural compulsion from within. My routine, for years, has been machine-like - very precise and by the clock.
I don't know who my neighbors are. I just know there is a dog next door because I can hear it bark at nights. My only unknown companion, a sign of life around me. I rise every day at six and by 7.30 am, I am out of my house. I pay a visit to the gym, but never get enough time to go and work. Then I rush to my office. I stay locked in my cabin which is furnished with great flourish and sometimes I become so involved with my work that I forget to eat.
 

I heard the pitter-patter of the raindrops against the windows and I open my eyes again. The aroma that the first rains of the monsoons evoke is an exquisite one. I find a few bouquets standing on a table near by. And I just realised that the people at work can't even be original. All of them had a foot-note attached and they are all exactly the same except for their signatures. I can think of 100 other people working to get into my position. Strangely it doesn't worry me now. I wanted to reflect on the times that I lived as a human.
 

I was a totally muddle-headed teenager with my stuff thrown all over the place. I used to love trekking and I can still remember the great times I shared with my friends, sitting by the bonfire, talking about everything. Dreams, fears, joys, sorrows and some of us did not even know what we wanted to be then. We were in paradise, blissfully happy and happily ignorant, that the harsh world was waiting for us just around the corner. My dad was a great inspiration always urging me to do what I wanted. I was totally secure in a blanket of love and youthful exuberance and confidence. But I wonder where is the happy teenager in me now. Or was it really me then? I am buried deep beneath the rubbish of sophistication, obligation and a host of other adjectives spelling nonsense.
 

It is 3PM and I’m feeling hungry. I wake get fresh and took something to eat. 
 

I am well enough now to move about. I saw it was just completed the rain and a very awesome season outside. I decided to go out for walk and slowly reached to a nearby park. I look around to see whether there some place to sit and I discovered a stone bench. I have picked up a couple of paperbacks and my IPod and went to this heaven. What a relief.
 

I watched the sky changing its colour like a chameleon. Golden one moment, yellow, deep orange and then watched the darkness creeping through and engulfing the sky. As I gather my things and began to walk back I noticed the handsome doctor with another doctor. I can only see her hair thick, long and flowing. I can remember only one other person who had such lovely hair - my best friend- Rhea. I approached her rather tentatively and I wondered whether she will recognize me now and if she recognizes me, would she accept me as her friend again?
 

She recognises me immediately and to my obvious delight hugged me tight. She sat their and we had a long talk about the time we spent together and what we did with our lives. I found out that she had indeed achieved her cherished goal to be a doctor and was now a practicing cardiologist. The day after is Monday and old familiar faces was waiting for me. I was thrilled and was left with no words. I hugged all of them and they all make me feel wanted. It's almost as if I have never been away. I thanked God for such wonderful friends. 

I remember a school song -

"Every rainbow in the sky, every pretty butterfly,
Tells fascinating news to those who dare to hope,
That God still, still loves the world."

I do understand that I can't stay without working for the rest of my life. But I do need this break, some breathing space to rediscover myself, my joy and happiness. Moreover, I need to rejuvenate myself. I will work, but only to keep myself occupied and I will never again allow it to occupy me and consume me completely. I guess everyone wants to move forward but there are some people who would do anything to take a couple of steps backward and stand and watch, if only for just some time. I feel a little better already. My books are spread out in my room, the local radio station is playing all my favorites songs, my friend is making me some hot chocolate and I feel like dancing. Next time you see me standing in the rack and putting my walking stick to bed or asking for a slice of tea and a cup of bread, don't bother. I am as well as anyone can possibly be.

Love .. is all about

Love is so melodramatic; you want your person more deadly when he/she is not with you. You keep on waiting every night even knowing there is no one to come. Suddenly you become all alone even being in mass.

When you think of Love, so many pleasant memories come in your small mind in a moment. Some time it makes strong like Trajan and some time it makes u cry likes a baby.

So what the LOVE is..?? Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.

It is feeling of joy which makes you happy even in cry…

All deserve this essential feeling and I wish all get this.

God Bless All, even me sometime. 

Good Night.

I Still Love You.

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!